I'm sorry, but I'm glad.

It took me so long to realize that my parents were right...it will take me even longer to get over this deep rooted feeling of regret. I love them so much, and I know I never want to hurt them again...I have no control over what the future holds, however I will keep praying that I never make the same mistakes as I have made this past while. I will also always thank God (my true father) for the parents he has graciously bestowed upon me. I will ask him to help me realize daily that just because they didn't come packaged and with a bow they are a gift, and they are a priveledge not to be taken for granted. I can't believe what I have done this past summer...despite my teaching and upcoming, I had no idea that I could fall so far. I could never fathom...I can't believe...I feel aweful that I was capable of such destruction...but I plan to try to make it up to them and thank them for all they've done for me inspite of me. There aren't enough words to express the regret I feel and how grateful I am to them. I hope I can try my best to let them know my deepest sorrows, and gratitudes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hXbjktiBwI&feature=related
This song is so beautiful. It's been an inspiration for something I should have done. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long.

Independent...dependent...freedom.

I stayed away in hopes that they would apologize and ask me back... they sent me away in hopes that I would learn a lesson...Nothing was gained from any of it. So now I come back with nowhere to go, tail tucked between my legs like the injured wolf that I am. I can argue my case all I want...argue until I'm blue in the face, and all I will get is the same "Keanu you need to wise up, we're trying to help you, you don't understand, you need to listen to us"...but where do we meet half way if the other party is not willing to hear? Willing to listen?
I didn't go too far...I only stayed with him. I was only to stay for a night, but that turned into an arguement, and out flew the words "Pack your stuff and get out of my house". And so I went. Now, I have no choice but to come back, because I wasn't wanted where I was, which is understandable. When you have no job, aren't going to school, no source of income, who would want you staying with them?
I don't have a straight or clear mind right now. Honestly all I want to do is cry...but I won't. For now I will walk around with what little pride I have left, with my head held high...because although the battle has been waged and lost, I will not give up that which is left of my pride.

MRI, EEG

Everything went fine. No tumors or signs of seizures. But as I'd diagnosed about 4 years ago, I do have Tourettes Syndrome. There is no cure for it, there is no found cause for it. All there is now...medication to help stop the tics, or set them at ease so they do not occur as frequently. I will be on a medication that helps lower blood pressure...but it also helps ease the tics. The lowering of my blood pressure isn't much of a concern for me, considering these tics are the reason that I stop breathing at times...I will be getting an EEG soon though. On September 1st to officially determine that I do not have Epilepsy, haven't had seizures, etc. This next test will be monitoring the electrical signals of my brain, to see if I have a seizure, etc. Hopefully there will be no seizures, but if there are I will let you all know. I'll keep you posted on the results of my latest ailment...although it can hardly be considered the latest being as it has gone on for 12 years now.

Got kicked out...Don't know how to feel about it. But I'm gonna try to do this thing.

Where Do I Go From Here?

Have you ever had that feeling that you didn't know what to do? Gotten lost in your own mind, or been blocked by your own thoughts? I have been having that feeling, but the feeling to do what is right has been overpowering it. I'm grateful for that. I'm excited to hear the news from CCAD. I hope they say yes! I <3 that school very much. It is my second home away from home. Literally away from home. I have more homes at home than I can count. :)

Deleted My Myspace

I found no further use for it. It was made for me by my friend Beth so that we could keep in touch. But now that she doesn't get on Myspace at all anymore, no need for me to get on it let alone have it. Most of the people I talk to anyway, I usually don't talk to on Myspace but elswhere. After all cell phones were created for that reason! So were house phones, and other means of communication. We weren't given hands just so we could sit on 'em! Lets get back to writing and rotary phones people!!! (forget that the rotary phone takes foreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever to get from number to number.) =D